rainy day blues

why is that rainy days are depressing?

We had a get together at my dad's today to celebrate my cousin's husband coming home, and my niece's 2nd bithday. I was in one of thos moods today where I did not want to go. I love my neice more than anything, but sometimes I feel like my family finds me lacking in some way. Sometimes it feels like I can't seem to ever say the right thing, I don't know. I know it really is just 2 people that I seem to get that feeling from, and I have to find a way to deal with it on my own.

I got a hug from my step mom when I got in and was talking to my grandma a bit. Dad seemed to be stressed a bit and I made the mistake of saying something along the lines of "I really like that kind of coffee maker" and I got a pissy response. I am sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded, but it still cut. My first thought was 'bite me'. I shouldn't have let it bother me, because this side of the family just seems to have a knack in saying the wrong thing.

I chatted with my cousin & her husband, and got to talk to my brother & his roomate, but I sort of felt out of the loop. Part of it is my own making, my aunts/uncle and grandparents are close & talk all the time, but it feels like I have grown apart from them a bit over the last couple of years.

We had pizza and family friends came over to wish every one well. I realized later this evening that I was trying to put myself on the outskirts. I sat at the end of the table for dinner and when my brother & Maddy were opening presents I sat at a chair in the corner. I didn't have any cake or ice cream, and took the first opportunity to leave right after my aunt.

I know this is a temporary funk, and I hope that it goes away in a couple of days.